Dignity
by dysprositos
Summary: There was no dignity to be had in dying at the hands of his 'masters.' There was none to be had in imprisonment, either. The people of Asgard could not take his dignity from him. Loki had sacrificed that, what little he had left, when he'd agreed to come to Earth, to do this. He had already sacrificed his dignity for his life. And in the face of that, what was eternal imprisonment?


**Warnings: reference to torture, Loki, angst.**

**My beta, irite, is betastounding. And always knows when I need to add more angst.**

**I do not own The Avengers.**

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There came a point when Loki understood that he was not going to win. Not this time, and probably not ever.

Part of him may have suspected that his mission was doomed from the beginning, but his subconscious mind would not allow that ghost of doubt to coalesce into something more substantial. Not after what it had taken, what he had given, to get here. Not when he knew the price of his failure. No. He could not doubt.

He _would not_ doubt. But then...it came anyway. Granted, not until he'd faced down Stark and Thor. Not until he'd been blasted out of the sky by that maggot, Barton. Not until he'd seen his forces falling in numbers that he would have thought impossible if he had not witnessed it with his own eyes.

At that point, the ghost of doubt became a shadow, and that shadow became something hard and solid, and Loki _knew _that he was not going to win.

A fact that was only reinforced when Banner—or rather, his monstrous alter-ego—had decided to swing him around like he was a child's plaything. And Loki had been helpless to prevent the attack.

Lying in a crater in the ground—a _crater_, for the sake of all that was holy—Loki took a few moments to consider his options. Because now, he knew he would not win. Because now, he knew he had already lost.

If he moved right now, right this second, Loki thought he might be able to get away (he could not bring himself to call it a 'strategic retreat,' not even to himself). He could grab his spear, ascend to the roof, and close the portal. Loki knew that Selvig thought the failsafe in the portal opening device had been his own creation, his own act of subterfuge, but that wasn't the case—Loki never proceeded with a plan until he had one or two backups. If he closed the portal, he could then take the Tesseract and use its power to leave this realm. Those aggravating humans were likely going to be quite busy for a few more moments, at least, so Loki _thought _he could do it before any of them tried to slam him into the ground again.

That had _hurt_.

So yes, he could escape. But to what end?

It would only put off the inevitable.

Loki had no illusions. The circumstances of his little sojourn here on Earth left little room for fantasy. His leash was short, the collar around his neck tight. He had...'agreed' to do this thing, of course, had agreed to get the Tesseract for the Chitauri and their 'Other' and whoever commanded them (they were mere puppets on a string, as was he—there had to be somebody behind the scenes, although this puppet master's identity was unknown to Loki). His agreement, though, had not been entirely...voluntary.

His current associates could be, Loki had found out, quite coercive.

He had not been _immediately_ agreeable, after all, though he'd come around quickly. Despite that, he had, at one point, stood quite adamantly against what they asked of him. Outright refused, in fact.

That had been a mistake, and he had learned that quickly enough.

Loki was nothing if not intelligent. A fast learner.

In addition to being...coercive, Loki knew his 'associates' could be...dedicated. Dogged. Patient. How long had they been waiting for someone like Loki to come to them, to actuate their grand plan? If Loki dodged them now, well, it was only a matter of time until they found him. And Loki knew what would follow, then. He was, after all, but a single piece of delicate game they played. Sacrificing him would not hurt their long-term goals much, not after he'd proven conclusively that he could not do what they asked of him.

No, Loki knew that they would not hesitate to take him out of the game entirely.

And he knew they would not hesitate to make their displeasure with him known before the end.

He'd been on the receiving end of their unfortunate brand of hospitality once; it was not something he particularly wanted to experience again. Before he had agreed to work with them, he had experienced their...magnanimity. Hesitating, Loki knew, had been a mistake. One that he was quick to rectify, but foolish all the same. The speed with which he had jumped on board with their scheming was, he knew, probably unprecedented, but the alternative had been...unpleasant. They had been quite amused with his rapid change of heart, but by acquiescing quickly, Loki had even managed to gain their trust enough to work with them to make their plan into something that he had been almost enthusiastic about.

Almost.

Because even revenge against Thor—one of Loki's greatest wishes—seemed hollow.

Perhaps part of Loki knew that Thor did not deserve his vengeance, and he could thus take no satisfaction from it. Or perhaps Loki knew that nothing he could ever take from Thor would come close to approaching what had been taken from Loki. Loki had been stripped of his identity, after all, and forged into something new. Thor, conversely, would never be anything but the golden son of Asgard.

But the most likely explanation of his lack of vigor was the unerring knowledge of the price he knew he would pay if he did not succeed in this endeavor. If he had to meet his associates as a failure.

If that happened...Loki knew that this time, he would not be able to weasel his way into a semi-mutually-beneficial agreement.

No, he'd probably just be killed. Gruesomely. After days or weeks of torture. A skill at which they were quite proficient, he knew from experience.

The other option Loki knew he possessed was to wait. It was only a matter of time until those humans figured out how to close the portal, as little intelligence as he believed they had. He'd seen Selvig lying on the roof. He'd been knocked unconscious, which meant that (if Loki understood the power of the spear he'd been given correctly) Loki's mind control over him was broken. When Selvig awoke, he could tell them how to proceed. The portal would be closed, the Chitauri would be defeated and Loki, well.

He would be imprisoned, certainly. Perhaps even executed, although he very much doubted that would happen.

No, Odin never disposed of anything that might someday prove useful.

_My options, then_, Loki thought, ignoring the pain emanating from where he'd impacted the ground, ignoring the keening his vocal cords were emitting of their own volition, ignoring everything, for the moment, but his attempts at reasoning, _are painful death or certain imprisonment._

Not, to be honest, the worst set of choices he'd faced.

_That _dubious honor went to the set of choices that had brought him here: death or conquest.

At one point, Loki would have chosen death over imprisonment. Had, in fact, made that choice once before, when he'd opted to drop from the Bifrost. Of course he'd accused Thor of _throwing _him into an abyss—he knew where to best aim his vitriol—but _he _knew it had been his choice. It had seemed preferable, at the time, to ever owning up to what he was. To what he wasn't. To facing the entirety of Asgard as a failure and a criminal and the monster that he knew he was.

Since then, Loki had lost most of that pretense. There was no dignity in death. Especially the sort of death that awaited him at the hands of his associates. There was no dignity in that kind of suffering.

He knew that. He knew it in every bone, in every nerve, in every muscle of his body.

Loki knew _exactly _what was waiting for him if he failed, and it was something that he was quite willing to do anything to avoid. Anything. Maybe it was cowardly, but he'd never claimed he wasn't a coward. He had lived through what those creatures could do once, and he wouldn't do it again.

Which is why, really, this wasn't a choice at all.

It was also why Loki had not yet moved, had not yet made his way towards the roof.

On Asgard, Loki knew he would be safe. Reasonably so. As safe as he ever would be again, at least. He would never have to answer for _this _failure, for failing to be the leader he had agreed to be under threat of death. No. And the failures he _would _answer for, well, the price Odin would demand was something Loki could pay. Would almost pay gladly, as it prevented the alternative.

Now, the memory of the sound of snapping bones, the feel of his blood running down his throat—those things were too raw in Loki's mind for him to think that he would prefer _that _to what awaited him on Asgard.

He could hear the sounds of battle coming in through the broken windows, although most of it seemed distant. Soon, it would be at an end. And he would have to answer for what he'd done, both here and on Asgard. Everyone would know what he was, and they would all whisper to one another how they'd known all along that he was no good. That he was destined for evil.

At one point, that would have bothered him, would have seemed insurmountable, would have _hurt_, but now...

Loki knew better. There was no dignity to be had in dying at the hands of his 'masters.' There was none to be had in imprisonment, either. The people of Asgard could not take his dignity from him. Loki had sacrificed that, what little he had left, when he'd agreed to come to Earth, to do this. He had already sacrificed his dignity for his life.

And in the face of that, what was eternal imprisonment, really?

Turning his head slightly, propping himself up on his elbows, a flash of red-and-gold movement caught Loki's eye. Stark. Flying straight up the tower, something in hand. Wonderful. Whatever he was doing, maybe it would be the end of this fiasco.

Loki hoped it would be.

He was ready to go home.

Even if that was to a prison cell.

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**Thanks for reading! This is pretty much a response to the new Thor: The Dark World trailer that just came out. I couldn't let it go completely unaddressed, because deep down inside, I love Loki and, well, feeeeels.**

**Reviews make me happy. So does cake. If you don't review, then please send cake.**


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